until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
