Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The Olympian is in my bed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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