I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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