so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
