Porn is love you can see.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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