she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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