i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
