i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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