Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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