you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
