The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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