im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
