woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
