I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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