you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
