I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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