It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
