She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My pussy is not your playground.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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