Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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