I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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