For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
