just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
