I'm laying in your front yard are you home
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This is my gift to your gina
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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