Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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