The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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