I met the friendliest cop last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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