Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize