I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
