drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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