You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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