Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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