the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
