My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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