Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
