pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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