I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
