She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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