Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
