Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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