good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
