just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
