I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
