I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
