Who wears a wallet chain?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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