they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
