You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize