That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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