I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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