I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Randomize
