she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
