My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
