Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
