i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
