You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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