oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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