Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
