Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
