I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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