Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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