Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were trust falling into bushes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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