I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
