I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
