ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
