just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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