theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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